Types of Drunks
by Lillidappler
Summary: There are different types of drunkards in this world. Happy drunks, dancing drunks, cursing drunks, depressed drunks, horny drunks, suicidal drunks, and many more. So what are each of the KHR character's drunkard types? 100% crack.
1. Chapter 1

There are different types of drunkards in this world. Happy drunks, dancing drunks, cursing drunks, depressed drunks, horny drunks, suicidal drunks, and many more.

This is what Reborn helpfully noticed as he watched an intoxicated Colonello run around the bar, kissing any unlucky woman or long haired man he could get his hands on. _I wonder what type of drunkard Tsuna is? _

A few hours later, Reborn left a bar with a knocked out Colonello (he was punched by Squalo in the face) and plans on how to torture Tsuna.

KHRKHRKHR

"What the hell did you do to Jyuudaime?" Gokudera watched in horror as his beloved Jyuudaime sang along to the karaoke machine, ever so slightly off tune.

_I'm walking on sunshine… _

_Whoa… _

_I'm walking on sunshine…_

_Whoa…_

_And don't it feel good! _

Tsuna had, at this point, dropped the mike- thank god- and was beginning to do that weird American shuffley dance. Reborn watched, amused.

"I wanted to see what kind of drunkard Tsuna was. So I warmed up some beer, told him it was soup, and made him eat it." Gokudera stared at Reborn in horror. "Shouldn't you do something to help your boss?"

"Ah! I'll get hangover medicine for Jyuudaime."

Gokudera quickly left, leaving Reborn and Tsuna alone, the latter doing a boogie to _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. _

"Ne, kid, why did you call me here?" Yamamoto peeked his head into the Sawada household. "That."

Yamamoto's eyes widened as he took in the spectacle Tsuna was making. Currently, he was yelling at the television for being too loud. "Stupid TV… why won't you be quiet…" He was obviously drunk. "I'll go get some medicine for hangovers."

Reborn chuckled as he watched Yamamoto leave. _That role has already been filled…Oh well. Gokudera will tell him later. Rather violently, too. _

"Herbivore. I have received complaints about… What the hell is this?" "Oya, oya, I'm not sure, but it looks like Tsuna got drunk."

Reborn tilted his fedora over his eyes. "It's true. He is drunk. Hibari-san, please refrain from biting him to death as I was the one who tricked him into drinking." Hibari opened his mouth to complain but was silenced by Reborn. "You can bite him to death when he's not intoxicated. It'll be more fun." Hibari closed his mouth. It _was _a fair deal.

_It'll also be more painful, _Reborn mentally added. What? Did you seriously think Reborn was being nice? Pffftt….

"Um, Mukuro-sama? Can you please knock Boss out? His song choice is kind of… disturbing." Chrome shyly peeked out from behind Mukuro, pointing towards the Vongola Decimo. Three sets of eyes followed her finger to the source of her blush.

_When I walk in the spot, this is what I see_

_Everybody stops and they staring at me_

_I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show, show it, show it,_

_I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT. _

Tsuna was doing a very suggestive dance, rotating and shaking his hips while singing along to an equally suggestive song.

Mukuro put a gloved hand over his face, trying to hide a bright pinkness. Hibari looked away, his face seeming to have a healthy glow, or a faint blush. Chrome burned bright red, not even trying to obscure it.

_Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah! _

_Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah! _

_Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah!_

_Do the wiggle, man. _

Apparently the twist is the new wiggle. Or vice versa works too.

Hibari and Mukuro sat down on the couch. "What are you doing?" squeaked Chrome. "Getting blackmail info." "Making sure the herbivore doesn't do something _too _stupid_._"

Chrome sighed and sat down in between them, just to prevent any fights.

"Baseball freak, I already got him hangover medicine!" "Haha, but this one works better. When people get drunk at my dad's place, he always gives them a pill or two of this before sending them off." "Who cares what your dad does?"

Gokudera and Yamamoto walked in, wrapped up in a more or less one-sided argument. Gokudera quickly shoved two medicine boxes at Reborn before storming away to check on Tsuna.

Tsuna had somehow gotten ahold of nail polish and was quietly painting Chrome's fingernails. Mukuro leaned over to look at a flower design he was creating. "That's nice, Tsuna." Tsuna smiled. "Thanks. You're next, by the way. I hope you like Flashbulb Fuschia." Mukuro blanched while Hibari laughed. "And Hibari gets Sakura Pink!" Their roles reversed.

"I'm leaving." Hibari stood up; trying to escape his fate, but Tsuna stopped him. "Sit back down. NOW." Hibari's butt reacquainted itself with the sofa.

Gokudera laughed at the sight. "Damn, that's pathetic!" Tsuna ignored this statement, temporarily leaving Mukuro to guide Gokudera and Yamamoto over to the sofa. "I can get to you guys eventually. You'll just have to wait." Gokudera quit laughing and Yamamoto glared at him for getting him dragged into Salon de la Drunk Tsuna.

Salon de la Drunk Tsuna gave the following manicures that evening:

Chrome: An azure color with a flower design on each finger.

Mukuro: A hot pink with a pineapple painted on each of his thumb's nail.

Hibari: A pastel pink with a Hibird on each thumb.

Gokudera: A neon green with a flower on each finger.

Yamamoto: To everyone's envy, he just got his nails trimmed and a clear coating.

After Yamamoto's manicure (he was last) Tsuna passed out. Gokudera threw a blanket over him before leaving to buy some gloves. The others filed out, on a mission to buy mittens or gloves. (None of them thought of nail polish remover, except Chrome, who kind of liked her nails as they were right now. Yamamoto decided that he didn't need gloves or mittens since he lucked out on clear polish. His nails would just look shiny for a while.) Reborn concluded that Tsuna was just a regular drunk person who simply got a bit more weird and bold when intoxicated.

The next day, as Tsuna struggled to get through school due to a hangover, he tried to remember what had happened. He also wondered when Hibari got his nails painted, who wasn't wearing gloves or mittens because the store only had pink ones, and because he puts the 'man' in 'manicure.

When he asked, he got 'bitten to death'.

**This is hopefully a oneshot. This story took a while for me to write, even though it was fun. I really don't want another idea to pop up and demand another chapter. I'll leave this as 'in progress' for now. **

**Also, can anyone guess why Squalo punched Colonello? XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**I forgot to mention this in chapter one, but I don't own KHR. Enjoy. **

Okay, what idiot brought alcohol to the graduation party?

Hibari gritted his teeth as he glanced around the room, becoming more and more irritated as he saw cups of beer, vodka and other alcoholic drinks being passed around. Of course, Tsuna singing 'Red Solo Cup' in the corner didn't exactly help either.

Wait, wait, wait, let's back up a second. Tsuna's singing, and has access to alcohol. _Shit. _Get rid of all nail polish in a 5 kilometer radius, Hibari thought, remembering the Drunk Tsuna Incident of '08.

Moving around the room, making sure couples didn't go _too _far, Hibari sunk deeper and deeper into his depression. Those red plastic cups were becoming _pretty_ tempting. After breaking up the nth couple, he decided that a sip wouldn't kill him.

Fatal mistake, Hibari.

Before any of the partygoers realized it, the only person with an ounce of responsibility, or at least a sense of it, was the exact opposite of sober, defeated by three cups of vodka.

Oh well. The Hibari family had never had much of a tolerance for alcohol.

KHRKHRKHR

_Tonight,_

_We are young,_

_So let's set the world on fire,_

_We can burn brighter,_

_Than the sun._

Tsuna wailed out on the karaoke, which he had been doing for quite some time now. Gokudera and Yamamoto were somewhat listening nearby while having a drinking competition. "That's twenty seven cups, baseball freak… I win!" Gokudera threw his hands up in the air before collapsing onto the table. Yamamoto smiled knowingly. "I drank twenty eight." He swayed for a minute before crumpling, using Gokudera's back as a pillow.

Hana, the only sober one at the party, snorted. "Pathetic," she said, snapping a picture of the two, then rearranging their bodies for more pictures. It would make good blackmail material.

After getting more than enough embarrassing pictures of the two, she melted into the crowd, trying to find more things to take pictures of.

Mukuro was one. At the moment, he was playing rock paper scissors lizard Spock… with Hibari? "Oya, lizard poisons Spock, I win. You have to take off one article of clothing." Hibari, who was already missing a jacket, glared at him and took off his shirt, revealing a muscular chest. Mukuro tried poking it, but Hibari slapped his hands away.

Hana got all of this on video, laughing crazily before moving on to find something different.

She noticed that Tsuna had quit singing and was currently putting makeup on Kyoko. Hana decided that her blush was from drinking and not cosmetics. _I thought you were better than that, Kyoko. _Hana scolded her mentally.

Circling back around, you could see Mukuro in a wig, flirting with Hibari, (?) who was still shirtless. Hana nearly choked on her [nonalcoholic] drink at the sight of that. After getting a few pictures, she continued to wander, getting many, many gigabits of lovely blackmail material.

Of which included:

Chrome getting a piggyback ride from Enma. ("You're heavy, Chrome-chan…")

Enma getting a piggyback ride from Chrome. ("Whee! This is _fun!_")

Ryohei, yes, you read that right, _Ryohei, _singing a Justin Bieber song. (The horror…!)

Lussuria, who crashed the party with the rest of the Varia, singing the song with Ryohei. (Are you traumatized yet?)

Belphegor, Fran and Levi playing limbo with Squalo's sword. (It wasn't a matter of how low you _could _go, it was a matter of how low you _needed _to go to stay intact.)

Squalo doing the Macarena. (Every time you had to turn, someone got slapped by silver hair.)

Xanxus singing Somebody I Used To Know with Tsuna. (You won't believe who sung the female part…)

KHRKHRKHR

_The Aftermath_

Hibari woke up with a pounding in his head. He raised his hand to clutch his head, and noticed two things about it. One, it was painted a horrendous mixture of neon pink and green stripes, had a blue flower on each nail, and was missing his class ring.

"What happened?" Mukuro seemed to pop out of nowhere as he sat up, using his dominant hand to clutch his head. Hibari noticed that his nails were painted white with pink polka dots, that there was an extra ring on his finger, _his, _to be exact, and that he was wearing a ridiculous yellow wig.

Looking at the wig, Hibari vaguely remembered proposing to a cute blonde, but he could've sworn it was female. He got a sinking feeling in his stomach as he realized that they were in a church.

"Oya, you're sitting on something." Hibari handed Mukuro what he presumed to be documents on their marriage.

Mukuro's eyes widened as he read the papers, his face growing pale.

"Annulment?" he offered.

"Hn."

**Okay, I really liked writing this chapter. Especially all that jazz with Hana. I've always thought of her to be discreetly evil. **

**Oh, feel free to suggest types of drunkards and who'll be them.**

**Till next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own. Enjoy. **

Gokudera had a lot of questions. What happened? Did he win the drinking competition? Did Xanxus really sing? Why hadn't Hibari confiscated the drinks?

First things first, he decided, spotting Reborn calmly sipping coffee in the middle of what could've passed as a war zone.

"Where are my pants?"

KHRKHRKHR

"Now Hibari, I'm no expert when it comes to English or anything," Mukuro began, taking in the surroundings. "…but doesn't that sign say Vegas?"

Hibari merely grunted, noting that yes, they _were _in Vegas. How they got there in one night, he wasn't sure, but this _definitely _wasn't Namimori.

"Come on, herbivore," he growled, grabbing Mukuro's hand. "Let's get something to eat."

Mukuro tried to squirm free of his iron grip, all while protesting. "But we don't have any money!"

"Can't you just conjure some up?" Mukuro shrugged. It sounded reasonable enough.

KHRKHRKHR

It had been a long month for all of them. From practically permanent nail polish to literally waking up in Vegas, it was undoubtedly tough. Of course, the details didn't seem to help, either.

"Why am _I _put down as the wife in this document, herbivore?"

"Oya, how am I supposed to know? Ask the priest."

"It simply wouldn't do to just ask him. _I'll bite him to death." _

Tsuna sighed, listening to the more-or-less newlyweds. "Will you please quit arguing and go on a honeymoon or something?"

"We already did." The couple spoke in perfect unison. Tsuna choked on his orange juice. "What?" "I said, we already did. At least, if you consider going to Vegas and L.A. a honeymoon."

Tsuna calmly returned to his breakfast, sighing. "How long will it take for that annulment to be filed?" "We're looking at 1 to 3 months, herbivore." Tsuna groaned. "Great. Now you can _officially _act like an old married couple!" Tsuna threw his arms in the air before storming off, leaving Hibari and Mukuro alone at the Sawada Residence breakfast table.

The newlyweds shrugged and continued consuming a delicious meal that had been set out for them.

It was then that the doorbell rang. "You get it." Hibari and Mukuro glared at each other. "Rock paper scissors lizard Spock?" Mukuro offered. Hibari sighed and got up to open the door.

"Juudaime… It's so terrible! When I got drunk, I *hiccup* apparently did some stripping routine! *hiccup* And when I came to, there was *hiccup* a ton of money stuffed in my underwear, which *hiccup* would've been nice if half of it wasn't COINS! And they were so cold, and uncomfortable, and…, and…"

Gokudera enveloped Hibari in a bear hug, crying his heart out while laying his head on his chest. Hibari had a startled expression on his face, unsure whether he should push Gokudera away or console him. Mukuro was laughing at his husband, who was technically his wife.

"…and, huh? You're not Juudaime!" Gokudera stopped being so hysterical for a moment to push Hibari away. He immediately teared up afterward. "Where's Juudaime! My kind, understanding, wonderful, beautiful, cute, adorable, effeminate, non-muscular, brown-haired, brown-eyed, squishy Juudaime!"

Tsuna, who was halfway down the stairs at this point due to the ruckus, felt his eyebrow involuntarily twitch. "Gokudera." The silver haired teen directed his attention to the stairs. "I may be girly. I may be cute. BUT HOW AM I _SQUISHY__?_"

Gokudera winced and then opened his mouth to reply. "Don't answer that question!" Tsuna raised a finger warningly. Hibari was smirking and Mukuro had lost it. (It being his sanity, if he had some in the first place.)

Tsuna stormed back to his room, having had enough of the whole world at this point. The door slammed loudly behind him, sending small shockwaves through the house.

"What's the deal with him?" Mukuro asked, having calmed down rather quickly. Gokudera shrugged. "Not sure. Anyway, want to help me roll coins?"

**I understand that this was a short chapter. However, I feel like I did manage to pack a lot of funny into it. **

**Also, some of you may be confused with 'Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock'. It's a Big Bang Theory reference. Basically, it's rock paper scissors with a lizard and a Spock. (Spock: Smashes scissors, vaporizes rock, is poisoned by lizard, is disproved by paper. Lizard: Poisons Spock, eats paper, is crushed by rock, is decapitated by scissors.) **

**If you look up 'Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock' on Youtube, you can see a video on it. **


End file.
